A Destiny Changed
by booth258
Summary: What if Joyce and Hank were murdered by vampires when buffy was nearly three or four years old by Darla,spike,and Dru,but angel,ensouled witnesses everything and takes little buffy with him to protect her and teach her as if she's his daughter.
1. Chapter 1

A destiny,changed

Ch.1 Unexpected Miracles

I could feel as my footsteps led me far away from the small grocerie store, one of the only grocerie stores in L.A. That didn't expect me to steal or do the things that most vampires did, most people didn't trust my kind but living here I'd made a friend in the butcher and he'd allowed me to get anything I needed for free as long as I never caused trouble for the town or did what other vampires did, He would never have a problem with that because I had a soul, unlike the rest of my kind, so I'd been coming home, late night from another one of my trips to the store for fresh blood and the necessities I needed, matches to light the house, the house boarded with wood over windows and doors so that not one ounce of sunlight could find it's way through and threaten me, even though I was a vampire, I lived like a man. But that was the thing. I could walk like a man..Talk like a man. But I wasn't a man.

Upon hearing a rustling sound in the night I hadn't been aware of any sounds like that before and was curious, I had promised. Vowed to myself to always keep quiet and stay away from people, I didn't trust myself. I knew that at any minute Angelus could break through and destroy everything and I could hurt so many people if I let down those walls and allowed myself to be like a human being when I wasn't, I was a monster, the things people feared and living like a person would just ruin everything I had built, I knew that if I allowed that to happen, the soul didn't mean anything and that I would be nothing and change nothing and I had wanted to be a part of something would help people, do some good. I couldn't be a part of the problem. I wouldn't. There had been a time I had hidden in alleys. Fed on Rats. And felt sorry for myself because I couldn't be where I wanted to be, With Darla..where I'd thought I'd belonged. Afterall, deep down there was a part of me that believed I was Angelus and that soul or no soul, things couldn't change that drastically, or could they? I didn't know.

But something compelled me to look, even though my better judgement told me that it would be a mistake, I wanted to see what lay on the otherside of those bushes and shrubbery and I knew the moment that I looked that everything would be changed, my instincts told me that. I knew that whatever was on the other side Had caught my attention in such a way that things wouldn't be the same, but I couldn't forget that Angelus was deep inside me, Waiting. Hoping for me to find a weak moment where he could seap through and destroy everything I'd built.

I peered, curiously through the bushes, seeing with excellent sight as was one of the perks of being a vampire at a small girl, she had long dark blonde hair that swayed in the night air as if it were silk or soft velvet and her bright and joyous hazel eyes sparkled as a million stars shined down to brighten her and make her seem more sweet and innocent than I'd thought a young girl of four could be, atleast I thought she was four. I didn't know but she held her mother's hand, her mother's curly blonde hair swayed in the wind as she didn't stare down and enjoy the beauty of the night sky and the beautiful breeze as her daughter had, she kept charging forward leading her daughter behind her as if the night air and the darkness were things to fear, in these times, I could understand. Not just from a vampires point of view, but it wasn't safe. Afterall, if you watched the news, you'd understand what a parent had to be afraid of.

I watched as she twirled around in the wind, her hair twirling around with her in a reverie of excitement and enchantment, Lost in whirlwind of delight and excitement as she tumbled to her knees on the hard pavement of the sidewalk that was hidden in the darkness as her joy, turned to tears as I watched, almost envious as her mother whisked her up into her arms caressing her with small kissing and sweet smiles, carrying the small child inside as I was hooked, I didn't know why. From a distance, there was nothing extroadinary about this child, she was a simple girl, a sweet, well adjusted toddler who was happy about everything, but a part of me felt that there was more to her, I sensed something inside of her that was unlike most children, something that somehow was linked to me, yet I didn't know how it could be. I was a vampire, she was a girl, I was being crazy to think like this, How could someone like me ever feel a connection to a small child like this. She was just a kid, I told myself. But I didn't move. didn't gaze away from that house as the door had shut leaving me in pitch darkness, with no view. Except that of the house next door where that "special", little girl I thought I was connected with lived, I tried to brush it out of my thoughts believing that I was being crazy and weird, "I was a stalker", yes, A stalker. Just like Angelus..I told myself dissapearing into my house boarded up and protected from Dawns' early rays of light as I knew to get inside quick, trying to ignore how I'd felt about this and how I'd felt just as if this little girl was more important than anything I'd swore to myself before, I knew there was something about her, some secret..and I couldn't take my mind off of it, but as much as I tried for days to ignore that house, I found myself back near the weeds and shrubbery peering through to watch and observe as if I was a stranger..A monster in the night like most of the neighbors had assumed, but I was a monster, in theory. So what did I care what people thought when nobody else had.

So it went like that for a while as I watched, observing everything. Beginning to know what she did everyday, her parents' lives. And even her name. Acouple of times her mother had called her "buffy", I thought it an odd name but I'd heard names more odd and accentric than that and the connection between us and the specialness I felt she had, her name fit her. I began to see another little girl that came over acouple of times, I'd learned that she was her cousin,Celia and that they were more like best friends than cousins, I'd realized a lot in the week I had watched, like a stalker in the night, as if I was plotting my move, when I had none. It was as if, buffy was the drug..and I was the victim..I couldn't seem to stop watching and observing, I knew it would end bad, I knew Angelus was waiting to spite me. To hurt anyone that came in my path, but no matter how much I turned away, I couldn't ignore what my instincts told me, that I no longer could hide from people and I no longer could pretend that this was enough. I didn't want to believe that my destiny went far beyond being cursed and merely existing but the proof was in the pudding, so to speak.

Another day, A week later I'd been somehow drawn to those bushes, watching as if I had expected something remarkable to happen today, maybe it was the mysty and hazy night air that circled me and told me of the truths I had no idea existed, things that encircled me in this childs' life forever but I ignored it and tried to watch without feeling that today was important, I decided not to listen to my vampire senses, not this time.

Gazing over with awe and amazement I saw the girl dressed in a white velvet out fit and her hair had been brushed down as normal as if it was any other day but I could tell that it wasn't I could feel it as I saw people come in, tons of people dressed in their best and then that small girl her age I'd seen before, her cousin was dressed in a white a purple satin dress with fancy matching white shoes that went with it, her long brown hair had a large purple ribbon in it and her hazel eyes, so much like buffy glazed with excitement and I was beginning to see that there was a celebration as I had began to realize that people had come together for this childs' fourth birthday party as she seemed bewildered and excitely, like some modern and beautiful princess dressed in white, there was something about her that told me that we belonged together, like we'd cross paths later in life, and that I'd find out why she was important, soon. I wanted to but I loved that it was a mystery and kept me wandering why I felt so involved, my instinct told me to stay as if I was meant to be there when something very bad happened and put me in the middle of a very ugly situation, but mybetter judgement and my soul told me to go inside and forget about this kid, go on putting people out of my thoughts because in the end, I knew they would get hurt, because Angelus was "never gone". I knew it but I couldn't do what my soul beckoned me to do, I had to stay. I had to know..and at that moment I had no idea that staying and experiencing for myself would change our lives forever.

I could sense that something was going on but again I tried to ignore my feelings and watch as the party found it's way inside the house as the door closed behind them leaving me in the dark, always in the dark. As the darkness washed over me as if I was meant for the stars and the moon, I felt most comfortable in the dark, Maybe I was a monster..A vampire, really..But this was my element and as the darkness cirlcled around me, pulling me into it's dark shadows that caught me in it's embrace and made me feel justified in everything that I did, I started to concentrate on what was going on around me instead of Angelus being let out of his cage, so to speak. I began to feel as if I was the hunted and not that hunter, Not that I was any of those things. I guess in a way I was just "The watcher", that was funny in itself, I'd killed acouple of watchers when I'd been angelus, but for a moment in the darkness, feeling as the world felt so small and I began to feel so big and powerful as I could always manage in the darkness, I started to wander who was watching who, Was the child or her friends watching me, or was I watching them. Was it someone else..Something else? I pondered that thought relocating near some bushes, unseen,and hidden

on the otherside, but I wasn't alone, I knew that as I glanced straight forward to familiar faces who could not see me, but I could most definitely see them. They weren't people, like me. They were vampires, they had been my family..My sire. The one I had sired Drusilla, and vampire lover,Spike, but I didn't look at Spike and Dru as much as I signaled everything I felt inside at Darla, my sire. The one who had made me what I was now, an immortal monster. A demon..A vampire. But I knew she had been the one I'd longed for, for years and when I dreamt, it was darla that I dreamt about, I knew deep inside that Angelus had wanted that, Wanted darla to come in and change me, make me what I was before, but me, the Angel that had a soul didn't want that, I had transended and now I wanted the goodness that was mine, the soul that had been cursed to me and now that I knew that this child was important, I wasn't going to fall for any of darla's tricks. I wasn't over her, I'd never be over her, but a part of me felt that she was dead to me, truly dead in the human meaning of the word and I didn't want any part of her, but there was this other part of me..this primal instinct..This Animal instinct inside of me that wanted to break free and take darla up and bypass my soul, that side of me was Angelus, still lingering to be let out and have full control over what I did and lived..I vowed not to let him win.

They stood by the door creeping as if ready to make their plans for destruction as I began to hear rumblings of what Darla was saying, Always, she was the leader, making the plans and being unpredictable as always,"I knew how she'd get in, I didn't even have to wonder or ponder what tactic she'd used, me and Darla had been old decievers from the beginning, pretending to be who we weren't, decieving people to trust us and then destroying what was good and pure in them, their life", I knew well what darla wanted. "A Massacre", although I didn't have to ask why, Darla never needed a reason to break into a home and have killing spree, it was in her nature, we'd done this together for centuries. But there had to be a reason..I knew it. I could feel it. As I was then enlightened with what could be the truth of the matter, about Darla and about that child had seemed so enchanged and amazing to me..

"We're going to have a massacre"..Amagine..Killing a slayer before she can accept her abilities. "I Heard darla chant as if this excited her and I knew it did not that me and darla had hunted down slayers a lot, that had been spikes' thing, he'd always went after slayers, destroyed every slayer he hunted, he was known for that, I'd heard about it through the years and now I was disgusted by them, I hated the fact that they had used to be my family.

Turning away for a moment, when I turned back they were no longer, as if they'd left but I knew they hadn't because I could see and hear rough movements through the house, screaming..Pleads for help and I hated this, I knew something bad was going to happen but I couldn't do anything about it, not until the owners of the house were dead and upon attack, they wouldn't let me in, I was a stranger and they had an innocent child they were trying to protect, I didn't know what to believe, I wanted to believe that the childs' mother was the slayer and that she, and she alone was the reason they were here, but a part of me had heard the words Darla had said about before the slayer could get her power..her mother would have power at her age, the child wouldn't and at that moment my instincts told me that there was no way it was the mother, it had to be the child and it occurred to me at that moment that I had to protect her, I had to get inside as soon as I could and hope that the child was still alive, I had to hope that I could save her before "they", got to her".

Stepping close to the door I awaited the moment when I could walk through the door and try to save that little girl, I had to. If she was going to grow up to be a slayer, I was connected to her and she was connected to me, and if her parents were dead, I'd be all she'd have and I felt bad about that, this was a horrible thing to happen to what seemed a nice and happy child, but I had to step in, I knew that foster care and relatives couldn't care for a child like this, they'd be killed to and it would be a matter of time before feines got a hold of her and killed her before she could reach the power and destiny that was hers and hers alone.

Upon sensing that they were dead and I could walk through the door with no repercussions, I stepped insde, seeing glass on the wooden floors, spots of blood on the walls, I quietly passed two bodies that were hardly recognizable as the two parents I'd spied when I'd been observing the last three weeks, they were limp, lifeless and there wasn't any place near them that blood didn't cover, there had once been a time that, that would excite me and make me smile, but that wasn't me. It was angelus. Angelus would croon over a scene such as this, he'd help darla, I knew that straight off.

I could sense that she was still alive, I could smell her fear as I'd felt that this house was no longer a house of innocence and Life, it was a house of death, of dispair. And a child waited, sitting on a wooden,oak staircase with white patches of carpet, with her long dark blonde hair down her back,in soft strands as it had lost all ife, as well as her face which was now shades lighter and her bright hazel eyes which had shined with fascination and joy had changed and now stared out in dispair,in fear. Sadness,most of all. She grasped on tightly to soft pink stuffed pig as if for dear life, I wanted to reach over and promise safety, grab her and leave this house, I knew she probably felt alone and scared, as blood seemed to be the main theme in the house, and death seemed to be the outcome of everything that had happened tonight, the girl stayed still, she didn't scream at the sight of me, I was sure she was too afraid to scream, knowing she still wasn't alone. So I stayed quiet, I didn't walk near her, not yet. I knew it wasn't safe, For I could smell Darla, and even Drusilla and Spike..They were still here, there mark had been on everything, the walls, the furniture, the parents laying lifeless,dead on the floor smeared with blood, taken painfully away from a daughter who was as pale as the fresh white snow that fell from the sky in the winter, this had been what it had been like.

I had recalled when me and Darla had stole into Holtz' home, decieving his young daughter,Sarah, repeatin' on his wife, killing her and his infant child..Making his daughter one of us..the dispair left behind..the blood. The pain. I'd been a part of that for 100 years and I knew it well, "They'd been here". And they still were here. I could sense, smell..Even feel as Darla came closer, I sensed everything around me, even how still the small girl still was, I knew this showdown wouldn't be pretty.

"My Sweet Boy", I heard darla uttered coming closer as I didn't turn to meet her eyes, so feirce with the need for destruction and pain, the need to destroy everything wholesome and good that was around her".

She stood there as if expecting me to turn around and face her, to say that I had come to help her and that the soul no longer mattered but I didn't, I didn't say anything, I didn't even reply to her first remark as if calling me out of a dream as she had done before when we had been together,evil,and out to destroy the world and all of the wholesome and pure people in it", there had been nothing better to me than a massacre, back then".

"You're not a fool", are you Angelus? I can smell You! You wreak of a concience. A soul.."Come here to stop me",Lover? She began as I forced myself to turn around and face the person who had made me and cursed me in the same, She damned me".

I couldn't deny gazing at her anymore as I stared and now I was disgusted, not just by what I had stood for before, but what she was now, I still yearned for her, I could feel that part of me seeping out, wanting it and daring to take it, but I couldn't, I forced that part of me, that evil and sinister bliss that had made Angelus so phenomenal in his time,A part of me liked the evil, wanted her to embrace me with it as she'd once done before but I was strong now, not weak and Angelus was locked within me, hidden and forbidden to come out, he was gone and I was here and she wouldn't defeat me when I was on a mission to protect someone I felt a bond to, someone I felt more connected to than anybody..Even Darla.

"I'm not a fool",Darla..I can't let you do this. I can't allow you to harm an innocent child!". I stated my case plain and simple but to darla it wasn't simple and I had damned her alone by saying that I was against her and not for her, she'd thought that I'd come back to her, begging to be let into their circle again,wanting her to pretend like before that I could ignore the soul, as I'd tried before when I'd found her, but that wasn't what this was about, I was doing good with it now, and she couldn't reach the places I'd been and the things I'd seen to make me believe that a soul was a good thing".

She walked towards me in a elegant dress, always dressed in the best silks and linens, Darla always had the best. And the view. she'd always loved the view.

"Dear Boy", Do you know what this child is going to grow up to be. A slayer..She'll grow up and learn the trade. She'll kill us..Our kind..You may not be one of us anymore but surely you can understand.."She'll kill our kind", Angelus, there was a time when you'd join me in the slaughter of an innocent..Of A slayer! Darla told me almost enchanted,blissful even, she was trying to pull me into their world again, places I'd been and dirty things I'd done,But as Angelus. But I wouldn't let her fool me, there wasn't one trick in the book that darla and I hadn't known how to control and act out and she was trying her mighty best to get me to join her..To join them, she knew that Angelus would've been just as gleeful and happy about the slaughter of a slayer, He would've found a poetic way to end a slayers' life..he would've made it painful and torturous. I knew angelus like the back of my hand, he was me. And now he was deep inside, hiding. As I forced him to stay deep inside, never to show again, but I wasn't falling for her games, I knew them all too well and she knew that she wouldn't get me using old ticks of decieving and mastery.."I was far to smart and clever for those tricks".

I stepped closer to her as if waiting for her to reach out and take me, as if I was the bait and she was the monster, not me. But it was only a way to get my point and make it clear, as clear as possible.

"Did you really think,Darla,that old tricks and clever decieving could bring me back to the fold", did you treally think I was that stupid. The games your playing, we mastered together.."Remember that before you go on", I'm not him. I've changed. I have a soul now and I want to protect her, You're not going to touch one hair on that childs' head..Am I Clear"..I ordered peircing my eyes towards her trying to get my point acrossed but she only giggled as if it was the good old days and I had told a joke, a vile and sadistic joke that she'd taken pleasure from but there had been no joke, I was going to protect buffy, no matter what it took and the sooner she realized I meant it the sooner I could prove to her that nothing she did or tried to do would change my mind".

I then noticed spike and Dru appeared, spike wore a smiliar jacket and pantsuit like a lot of the britishmen in London wore, I'd been there before, with darla. And I'd been there afterward when I'd been cursed with a soul and seen, Dru wore a gown similar to Darla,only the best linens and satin for the girls, they always wore the most elegant gowns that could be found, I remembered that well.

"daddies Home"..Daddies Mad..Drusilla mouthed out flaring her brown eyes my way and then at darla as she danced in small circles leaning down to finally whisper something into Spike's ear".

"It isn't Daddie", it's the Angelbeast..She urged with a sudden bit of insane satisfaction, I knew that dru was crazy, afterall, I had been the one to make her that way, had killed all of her friends..Family..made her flee to a convent and on the day she took her holy orders, I made her a demon. In my mind it was one of the worst things I'd ever done, afterall, as a human Drusilla had been pure, as pure as the driven snow and I'd tainted that".

Grasping darla I shoved her against the wall in a threat knowing that I'd do just as I threatened, afterall, Darla knew I didn't make empty threats or promises, she knew me well. As well as I knew her. If she couldn't bring me to the fold, not now. she'd scatter away with dru and spike,I'd win round one, I would.

"You're going to leave and leave this child alone and if I ever see you or you urge on I will stake you right here and don't think for one minute that I wouldn't do what I threaten, for you know me,Darla and when have ever said anything that I didn't plan to do..and don't think that just because I have a soul that, that makes me an easy case and that I wouldn't go through with it, there are exceptions to the rule, and I may have a soul, but your evil and if I have to, Darla. I'll stake you right here nad right now..I threatened, my eyes seering into hers as my face had taken the form of the vampire hidden within as I through her to the side and she slid to the wall pulling herself up near drusilla and spike as if she believed everything that I had threatened, Darla knew what I meant and she knew that I wouldn't hesitate if I said what I'd said so she backed up with spike and dru still beside her".

"Lets get out of here",Bloody hell..Why are we wasting our time,Pet. We can find another place. Maybe Like Woodstock!"..Spike urged leading dru out as Darla still back up near the opening, staring with a threatening yet surprised gesture and I had challenged her, threatened her, proved that I had won and she had failed but this was darla, she wouldn't go down for good without a warning or a fight..or even one last remark to let me know that it wasn't over, it was the way darla had always been, unpredictable.

"This isn't over Angelus", You haven't won that childs' soul..You haven't saved it. I'll be back and I'll do what came to do. You'll see. Darla yelled back as she scampered out leaving me behind with the innocent child, still shaken and pale from fear, still holding onto her small pink pig for comfort, not knowing or trusting me, I'd won round won and I knew that there would be many more fights before this was over, afterall, darla had known me enough to believe what I'd said, but she didn't give up that easily, she would be back, when we least expected it so I made it my oath, my instant promise to protect Buffy from the feines and vampires that I had used to call family.

Stepping over close to where the young girl sat, holding onto her plush pink pig I whispered promises to her, told her that I was a good man and that I would protect her, that I'd sent the bad guys away and that she'd need to trust me..That I'd saved her life. She stared up into my eyes a stears slid down her face, but she didn't seem threatened by me or the least bit frightful, she seemed alittle nervous and I knew she didn't trust me, that much was apparent, she didn't say anything after I'd told her who I was and what I wanted to do to help her, she glanced at me casually as if she didn't expect anything and she didn't even know what to do and say.

She ran passed me, the small four year old child, rushing over to my left, down to her knees next to the lifeless bodies of her parents, covered with blood, as pale as the driven snow..All the life had been drained out of them and there was nothing left in this house for her but death, I was offering to take her away from this, show her that life could be more than death, it could even be nice if she came with me and let me protect her, but I didn't expect that. Especially from a 4 year old.

I'd edged beside her, not knowing what to say or do. I felt sorry for her. Wanting to say something that would make everything alright, but there was nothing that I could say, nothing that I could do that would bring her parents back and make it the way it had been before feines had came in and destroyed her world, so I said nothing, just firmly stood beside her giving her silent comfort, the kind of comfort that sometimes could be the best comfort and somehow she'd excepted it as she pulled herself back up to her feet, putting arms around my waste as she stood acouple of inches underneath my waste, the typical size and heighth for a child her age, as if clinging on to me she could forget and move passed everything this night had brought, all of the chaos and horror, everything and then there was the fact that everytime she thought of her birthday, she'd remember it with pain and sadness, "That wasn't right", I thought to myself as she allowed me to carry her out of that house..Out of that death and dispair and the blood that surrounded each room knowing that nothing was left to ponder over, everything that had once been pure and true in that house, had been destroyed, now it was my turn to change it. Carrying her outside, the moon and the stars in the dark velvet sky seemed so pure and so true, and promised of hopes that could be fullfilled if I got her away from here and I believed them, for her sake. I had to. As I edged away from that house and everything bad and ugly that had been inside it, I felt as she withered on in dreams as if today had been more than she could deal with and on the way to my home, she held onto her stuffed pink pig whispering briefly in dreams as I

entered my home that his name was "Mr. Gordo".

Stepping inside, the pitch dark caught on as if I had been born in the dark and I belonged there, not in a lit,bright house full of massacre and destruction as was next door, but I felt comfortable and at ease in the darkness, but things had changed a bit since I'd last stepped inside, I now held a small four year old

child in my arms, fast asleep, entering a I quickly lit a lantern on a oak table near where my bed was, the light from the lantern stretched out throughout the whole house, brightening ereas that had otherwise been dark and mysterious, it was twilight and standing in the room, which seemed to be made of dim light, it seemed magically and surreal that I could be standing there in the myst of twilight holding a small child, but it was real and not a dream..It was all real.

Upon realizing that my bed had been what most couples in the fourties and fifties had used, split beds so they'd never sleep together, I decided to slide one portion of the mattress over towards the wall afew feet away from mine, leaving her a soft blue blanket that I never used.

I lifted her onto the bed, covering her up and making sure she was warm and happy, not once did she let go of Mr. Gordo or mutter anything else, I couldn't even be sure if she was asleep, not really. But I cover her up anyway and decided upon lighting the fireplace instead of keeping the lantern lit all night, I liked how the fireplace had a dreamy glow that lit everything and made everything seem magical and strange..almost relative to what the real world was like, but I'd never belonged in this world, maybe that's what it was all about. I knew that the fireplace was safe, it protected by a glass casing that held the fire back so it could not spread or cause a fire, afterall, I wasn't too keen to fire, not at all.

The night was still, too quiet,even. I'd stayed near the fireplace, on my old oak rocking chair that had been here when I'd moved in, I'd sat there for hours reading from my book of Sonnets. It was a special book to the part of me that was "Angel", the part of me that had a soul, but to Angelus it was a weapon he'd weilded to gain revenge on my father when I'd first became a vampire, I saw things differently, it spoke of a different time when I'd been human, a small child and my father would lift me up on his lap and read to me from his favorite sonnets in the book, it wasn't a weapon to me, It reminded me of times when I hadn't been the beast or monster that everyone was afraid of, and I hadn't belonged to any cult of vampires, much less Darla.

There was a lot going through me to think about, I wandered how I could do this, what I would do? I'd never been a kid person. Never been much around kids this age and didn't know how to act around them and what to do but I was pushing myself to try because I felt the connection between us and I knew that she was special, everyone had to do there best in a situation like this and I was doing what I could, although most people didn't have this tight of a connection with somebody that they barely knew, that was odd, but I tried to ignore it, because if I dwelled on it, my feelings could make everything worse.

Upon morning, I hadn't slept much because of my worry and concentration on what would happen next, I expected to hear cops this morning, scuttering around and asking questions, afterall, a terrible crime had been committed next door, two doting and loving parents had been killed, It had been a massacre and I knew that they would want to get to the bottom of this, they'd have to, but I didn't have to live like a human, I didn't like like a normal man and I didn't have to follow the rules of law, I lived by a different set of rules, and as far as the crime scene, they wouldn't find anything, just a dead end, there was no trail to follow, no finger prints to be concerned with, No sign of a break in. Vampires had attacked them. In time this case would be known as an unsolved mystery and I wasn't proud of it, but I had enough problems with fending off demons and evil vampires, I didn't need the cops concerning themselves with me too, I thought it would be best if I took care of this by myself and little did I know, the cops wouldn't even question me, it would be easier than I thought it would be.

Nearing morning buffy sat up, I could see the worried expression, along with the sadness that still existed in her eyes even though she no longer was crying, I could see the fear on her eyes, as if for a moment she'd forgotten where she was and who I was, but suddenly her memory returned and she turned with fear, afterall, we'd only seen eachother from afar, Otherise, we were strangers, even though I felt more connected to her than I did with anybody I'd known through the years, Even Darla.

I stepped closer to her, nervous,myself. But I tried not to be as I came close to her putting a pair of blue jeans pants on the bed next to her with roses sewn into her pantlegs and a small grey hooded sweater, as if expecting her to dress herself, I'd never been around kids much and knew nothing about if a child this age could dress herself, but by the odd expression she was giving me, and the fear in her eyes, as they went darker, more fearful, I realized that she wasn't able to dress herself, afterall, she was just only four years old, Just a toddler.

Knealing before her holding the clothes in my hands firmly I smiled, giving her my best charming smile that I could to show her that I was her friend, not her enemy and that when she was ready, she could trust me.

"You can trust me", I won't do anything bad..I'm just going to help you get dress", smiled charmingly yet again as I put my arms out to allow her to allow me to help her as she looked at me as if she weighing the results and her options out as if she wasn't just a child of four but was atleast six or seven, finally she allowed me dress her, sliding off her small satin white top and the matchin fancy white pants she'd worn for a birthday party as I slid on the small blue jeans with the roses sewn into the pantlegs and pulled a small grey hooded sweater onto her, it was alittle big, but it seemed to be comfortable, although she didn't move, not an inch. I watched as she grabbed "Mr. Gordo", and leaned back against the pillow rocking back and fourth as if the small pink pig was the only constant, I hoped that eventually she would trust that I was going to do what I could to protect her, I felt that maybe in time she would.

I urged her over to the table, firmly, yet with more sensitivity than ever as she noticed the bacon and eggs..and the sausage as she slowly ate as if she'd never eaten food like this before, she was thinking all of the time and I didn't even ask about what, she'd just lost her parents, and I didn't know what to say, there was nothing I could say to change this, I just had to be supportive and I had to do something, keep helping her and showing her that I was her friend, things would be easier for the both of us if we trusted eachother, she'd realize that. She was just a kid. She would figure it out eventually.

I had attempted to eat alittle something as well, to comfort her and make her think that there was nothing different about me. But I could eat normal food, I did sometimes if I had a hankering, But it didn't keep me alive. But now it was simply to comfort buffy, I felt that if I comforted her and earned the trust, she'd respect it more, afterall, I didn't know kids at all. She hadn't even noticed, was so deeply wrapped up in her world..in her fear that she didn't even notice me, or even taste the food put before her, instead she got up from her plate after eating acouple o bites and her toast and began to gaze around the place as the fireplace still lit the house, as the house sent a glow, enough for anyone to see around, but it wasn't brighter than it had to be.I knew she was going to ask the question..At any moment she'd start to wonder and ponder why the windows and doors were boarded in, why no ounce of sunlight was able to peak through, why everything was so dark and I had an idea, I'd tell her. Maybe she wasn't old enough to understand, but I wanted to be honest first thing, But I didn't want her to be afriad, but I plotted on telling her before she asked, I didn't want to hurt her anymore than she'd already been hurt with the death of her parents.


	2. Chapter 2

Ch.2 The Truth in a Soul

It had been hours and I wanted to make a good impression, I wanted to earn her trust and make her realize that I was her friend and I thought that if I explained to her who I was and that I was like them, yet not. That she'd feel safer, she'd know me, but I wasn't thinking clearly on the part of that where she was only four years old and wouldn't understand a word I said, like I'd said before, I wasn't used to having kids around, I'd never been a people person, I'd actually tried hard to avoid people, fearing that Angelus would get the better of me and destroy everything,yet again. But this time Angelus hadn't won, I had and I had to do the best I could by her. I vowed to that.

I took the young girl by the hand and led her over to her bed where she could hold on tightly to Mr. Gordo and listen, I wasn't thinking that she was too young to hear this conversation and that she didn't understand, actually, I hadn't known what she'd think, Afterall it had been nearly two centuries since I'd been responsible for someone else, I couldn't remember much from when I was human, But I knew that I used to watch my younger sister,Cathy. she was alot younger than me but never like this. but being who I was now and not just watching but being a part of this little girls' life, It was weird and I was afraid that every step of the way that Angelus crawl out from wherever he was imbedded inside of me and destroy this beautiful thing I was doing, But I had to tell her, I had to be truthful.

"Those things that destroyed your parents", Don't be afraid but they were vampires..and I am,too. But I am a good vampire. I have a soul. So you don't need to be afraid, I'm going to take care of you..I know you probably don't understand what a soul is , so I guess this is my chance to explain it to you as well as I can", It's a conceince, the right between knowing what is right and what is wrong..I explained as Buffy looked even more lost and confused, not that I'd expected her to understand everything, she was only four years old".

I quickly dropped the subject and left her to play with Mr. Gordo while i dissapeared near the fireplace which was still lit, as if it was still night-time and not mid morning, but sunlight couldn't come in, that's why it was so dark, maybe she understood deep inside of herself, but I'd been a fool to explain everything to her now..She was just a little girl, she couldn't understand what I'd just told her. I'd been foolish to go into all of that with a four year old.

I began to read from my book of sonnets, I liked poetry. soft, beautiful things. It spoke to me. Even when I'd been bad it had spoke to me, just said the wrong things but now it spoke of beauty and I felt good about what I was doing,So good,in fact that I decided to take buffy along to the store when it got dark again, afterall, I couldn't leave her here alone, she was being hunted..demons..Vampires..Maybe even Cults wanted her dead, So I'd have to take her with, I wasn't thinking about if anyone noticed her..the butcher had been on my side for the most part, he'd let me have everything I needed and wanted for free as long as I stayed true to having a soul and didn't cause any trouble, I hoped that he'd be behind me with this,too. I couldn't just leave buffy behind and allow her life to be in danger, just to go by the law, and Like I'd said many times. I was a vampire and I didn't go by the law, I had my own rules, and sometmes laws and other rules are meant to be broken, afterall, why would there be so many stupid rules that didn't protect the innocent if all rules were good and true? I'd always wondered that, nothing ever protected the people that needed to be protected, It was always about how much money you had, or who you were on a important Scale, Nothing was ever about love and peace. Everything was hate and money, they ruled the world. I recalled when I had been angelus, I hadn't known Hate, nor money. Never had any real kind of power, It was always that lust for the kill. the thirst for disaster and Blood..Blood to me, was what money and hate is to these people..but then, I didn't have a soul. I could see on the news as people all around the world did things..Unthinkable things in the name of politics,Money,and Religion, knowing full well what was right and what was wrong, yet they did it anyway. They were decievers, that was true. But maybe they're worse than darla and me were, yes we'd killed thousands of people and were known for our track records, but we only did what was in our nature, we didn't have a concience or a soul to provide that goodness that human beings have from birth and we were lost, hungry, and cold..We didn't know what to do at first except satisfy ourselves, but then the rage took over..this power from deep inside, telling us in many ways that we were made for a reason and so a beast was born inside of me, the worst kind. he stopped feeding just for hunger and protection..I learned that I was above everyone, A god or a king perhaps. I was powerful, so powerful that I could do anything and hurt anyone I wanted. So it became I came for us. We decieved people, made it poetry, always finding a new and more entertaining game to play that would hurt the most innocent people the most, Being decieving was only a trick, not really a game. We hid in convents, hotels..traveled around the world decieving innocents to believe that we were just like them, merely lost, and then they'd find out otherwise and either it would quick and there life was gone in an instant, unless we found a new game to play, another satisfyingly wicked to torment this person or that person

Forever, even after they were ash and bones, the games got more interesting, more fun for me and Darla. I spent some time in Europe and I Sired a young man named penn, I reminded me of myself when I was human, so wanting to please my father and do the right things, but always getting pulled back into Beer and woman, afterall,I'd loved the tavern life when I was human, so much that I was dissapointment to my family, especially my father. And Like me Penn was Irish, merely visiting Europe to be free of his father, I recall he had intrigued me so much that I took special interest in him, in my warped mind I was giving him an out, freeing him. Showing him a world where he could be king and show to his father who was boss, Much like I had. But it was a mistake, even as a demon he couldn't let go of the things his human self had felt for his father and he began to copy cat me and Darla as I began a new trend that I came up with and darla found strangely satisfying and amusing as I started to sign my victims as if it was a peice of art I wanted the world to know I had created..To Angelus, it had been. That was the point of this..I loved poetry, but without a soul, Poetry was my weapon to weild whenever I felt justified enough to cause trouble or start a new game, as me and darla used to call it.

Near midnight I led her off into the night, I noticed how she only paid attention to the stars glistening in the night sky and the way everything was so still and quiet, it was my favorite time of night, it appeared to be hers too. Kids were usually afraid of the dark and I thought it was odd that she wasn't, with losing her parents at night and being a kid in general, the only reason I enjoyed the night was because it was all I had, I couldn't enjoy the daytime like most people could, in the night I felt like I wasn't a stranger, "I owned the night", I told myself as we walked down a familiar road to a grocerie store, even buffy had been to before..she'd been to this place, with her mother. I hoped this wasn't too much for her to take for a first outing.

I stepped into the grocerie store and I was now glad that I had that deal with the butcher, I'd never in my wildest dreams thought I'd ever be caring for a four year old child and one that would grow up to be a slayer. leading her into the first isle I found I motioned to the shelves with food for sale.

"you can pick out anything you want"..I urged her foreward as she saw cookies and then suddenly spotted hot dogs and I willingly put them into a small basket instead of a large cart for people who were out stocking up on food as I held her hand as I knew she was still unsure of what was going on but I thought she was becoming alittle bit more understanding and willing,alittle bit more trustworthy of me, afterall, this time she hadn't pulled away when I'd took her hand, maybe it was the food that I'd allowed her to pick out, although I hoped it wasn't. I didn't plan to buy her love, I just wanted to see what she wanted and show her that I wouldn't let her starve or go hungry and that I would take care of her, even though her parents had been slaughtered brutally, she was alive and I'd make sure her best interests were met.

I then led her back into the back where the butcher waited, his was a tall man, skin and bones, really. his face was of the fairest and his cheaks brightened a dark crimson as if it were winter out there instead of summer, he wore a multicolored sweater with reds greens and even black and kacki pants with small white tennis shoes that looked dilapitated from too much use, he wore the palest of white apron with not even one stain on the front to show that he'd gotten into his work, he was precise and careful when applying meet to small white packages, just as he was He kindly smiled handing me a small white paper bag with what I assumed was fresh pigs blood as he didn't say anything about buffy and the fact that she'd been in the store before with her mother and father, he didn't say one thing, acted as if it was any other day when I'd come into the store, but I knew that he knew what was going on, I could see the look on his face and I knew he understood the occult, afterall, that's why he allowed free items as long as I stayed clear of the stuff most reckless and bad vampires did, I had a soul, he could trust me after afew years of living In L.A. that I meant I said and I figured he'd overheard what had happened and he asked no questions, just went on about his business as if it was any ordinary day..

"Mike"..I heard another saleman call to him from the saledesk, it was on a small speaker as he excused himself showing us to the back door never for us to use the other of which we'd be conisdered shoplifters if we did, not that I couldn't take people who tried to bust me for it, but I liked the quite life and it was better

this way, especially now that I had buffy with me, I was responsible for her, I couldn't fail. it was her life that I would ruin and she had so much taken from her already, her parents. her old life. I knew I probably shouldn't have phrased it the way I had in the store about her picking anything she wanted but she'd been through a hard night and she deserved a treat and I'd give her everything she needed or wanted, I had to make things ten times better to make up for what she was losing. I thought as I led her home in the darkness, I knew I had to hurry, I know quickly Dawn arose in the mid morning showing one ray of sunlight so I hurried on leading buffy into the house, her hair a bit wind blown and her eyes alittle bit sad, but alittle bit hopeful as well. she'd been outside and been to a place she'd traveled before, I thought for instance there that it had made her feel better and I was glad. I watched as she rushed off for her bed carrying a small doll I'd bought her in the toy erea of the grocerie store, it wasn't no fancy doll or anything, it was just ordinary, perfect for a little girl her age and size, I didn't hear a peep out of her until dinner was done, I knew kids weren't quite like this and I knew that she had been through dispair and pain, that's why she'd been so quiet and willing to do everything I told her to, I was the only adult she could trust now, I understood that and I was glad she didn't put up a fight, but I felt bad for her, losing her family at such a young age, I knew that by all rights she should be living with her aunts and uncles and that little girl I'd seen once or twice and learned was her cousin..But I couldn't chance her getting hurt and being left for dead again or being killed, I could handle this, I was a fighter. I would never leave her. Once she trusted me and knew that, the better it would be on her.

Things stayed quiet as she ate her hot dog and quickly devoured half of the small plate of chocolate chip cookies as I watched as she went to bed, this time she seemed more content to let me dress her in some pajamas I'd taken from her drawer in her own home before I'd brought her here last night and she fell asleep as I found myself in bed as well, it had been a long night for the both of us, so stressful and nerve racking, we both needed our sleep.

the the rest of the week went on like that, with her getting closer and closer to being more relaxed and understanding, I bought her toys evertime we ventured to the store, she had plenty of food and stuff to eat and I was doing my very best to console her when she seemed sad or fearful but things started to get better as the weeks I'd tried to help her and show her that I was her friend and I cared she began to trust me as I found her having more nightmares, but instead of screaming out in sleep I found her every morning in my bed right next to me and I didn't mind, I knew it was only human to have nightmares after what she'd been through and I tried as much as I could to help her, and I was glad she was getting adjusted and beginning to trust me even more, but I was afraid of me, myself getting too attatched to her, I knew that I had a soul now, but there was a part of me that was bad, I didn't want angelus to ruin this, I couldn't allow it. at times I felt I had to stay my distance to stop something ugly from starting but it wasn't as easy that as she began to trust me more and more in that first month that she'd been with me.

Then came a day when she'd kept sneaking into my bed at night, I hadn't said anything even though I knew what people would say, I didn't care what they thought, I'd never thought about what other people believed me to be or cared at all what their thoughts were, I'd always been a free spirit and tried to do the best I could, when I was angel, and not angelus that was and I wasn't a people person and couldn't rightly care if they thought I was the monster down the street or a respectable and honored neighbor, I stayed in my house with buffy and I didn't bother them and they didn't bother me, that's the way it had worked long before buffy had come into the picture and it would work long after. I knew she was afraid and having nightmares and I pitied her, felt bad for what she'd been going through, just the fact that her parents had died and she'd stood there and seen it all made me feel bad for her and I knew that what I was doing was wrong, I shouldn't give her things to compensate for what she'd lost and what she'd been through but I couldn't help it, it wasn't just the fact that her parents had been murdered by feines right in front of her , it was the fact that I'd known what she'd been through and I also knew what she'd go through in the future, learning she was the slayer..the chosen one. she wouldn't have a normal childhood, she wouldn't have a normal life at all and her parents deaths made her world alittle bit more hard for a four year old to deal with, sometimes I was certain that she knew what was going on, but other times I wasn't quite sure, but lately nightmares had been a constant and I couldn't blame her for having them, Afterall, it wasn't like she hadn't seen them die, she'd stood there in her parents blood as they died, were murdered right in front of her, i couldn't imagine what she was feelings and the nightmares she had so I didn't make her go back to her own bed just acouple of feet away, I allowed her to stay in my bed because it comforted her somehow and she didn't have as many nightmares when she wasn't alone in a big bed twice her size, but on this partilcular morning I'd sat there waiting as she eventually fell asleep as she willingly allowed me to pick her up as we'd been getting closer and closer, she trusted me more than she'd trusted me the day I'd brought her into this house, thus, the crawling into bed with me in the middle of the night.

I firmly and gently sat her on her own bed covering her up sliding mr. Gordo beside her as she slept better when her familiar plush pink pig was nestled beside her and I blew out one of the lanterns that was lit beside her bed and then decided to go to bed myself calling it a night as I decided to spoil her even more that morning, but I knew I was digging a bigger hole for myself, spoiling her, even though I felt bad for what she'd been through and what she'd eventually go through, deep down I knew that I was only spoiling her in the long run but in a way I felt I had to, it was my responsibility to do the best I could by her even though I wasn't her father and I wasn't even really a human being, I was a vampire. but we were stuck with eachother and I was starting to look at her even less as a responsibility and I started to enjoy doing for her, doing for her made me feel real, alive, even..something I had never felt as a vampire, even when I'd been angelus and with Darla, but it wasn't the kind of love that would lose my soul, I was glad for that but still on my guard, always afraid Angelus would appear and destroy everything, as was his way.


End file.
